So, you’re a dropout?
Unschooling has been a great experience. The pressures of my (previously) schooled brain are fading, and each step deeper into this experience has been a happy one. Everyone I want the opinion of are supportive, and while life hasn’t been perfect (it never is!), the experience of embracing it has been close.
But there are downsides. A few days ago I experienced one of them. On Saturday I celebrated my seventeenth birthday, and, as most teenagers realize, the pressure to know what you want to do in the future grows with your age.
Homeschoolers alone get a lot of pressure. They have to deal with the questions regarding testing, and proving high school equivalency, and nosy aunts and uncles wondering if they’re smart enough. It’s not an easy experience. Unschoolers have that, and a little bit more. There are those questions and comments that make the unschoolers have an experience that’s just a teeny bit different.
“If you get to do what you want, aren’t you lazy?”
“You’re not going to have a future, going about it like this.”
“Do you even know how to spell?”
“So, you think you’re too good for school?”
It can be tough. There are the insults of intelligence, the guilt-trips, the hope crushers. And sometimes, it can be summed up in one comment:
“So… You’re a drop out?”
Hearing that comment being directed at me was a bit like a mini-explosion in my chest. My mind, filled with the expectations of the past, was plummeting with the disappointment it was directing at itself. Me, a dropout? The good kid, the “straight A student”, a dropout? I know a lot of people had high expectations for me, when I was still in school. Being a “dropout” probably wasn’t one of them! For a moment, I was feeling their disappointment.
Then, after that moment, it was easy to let go. Sure, unschooling has its downsides, but it has more than enough good to make up for it. You experience self-awareness, and understand what your own needs are. The struggle to try and get people to understand your discomfort or displeasure isn’t as dramatic as it is in school.
I met a lot of good people when I was in school: teachers that honestly cared about their students, parents that wanted the best for their children, and people funding the arts because they support them. The hardest part in letting go of school, for me, has been letting go of those people. They don’t understand my point of view, and they most likely never will, but they’re still good people. They’re doing what they think is right, no matter how blind their thinking might be. Disappointing them certainly doesn’t feel like a victory.
But I’ve realized it’s a bit like arguing about religion. There are the people open to debate, the ones that can speak about it intelligently, and then there are the people that can’t. The people that are so stuck in their beliefs, they can’t accept any sort of deviation from it, and they’re actually taught not to. I know now that I don’t need to get everyone to understand my choice to unschool, that it’s effort I’d rather put somewhere else. And so, despite the flash of urgency where I felt the need to prove just how smart I am, just how much I’m going to do in the future, and just how far I am from being a dropout, I let it go. In a way, I embraced it.
I AM a dropout. And I’m proud of it.
“So, you’re a dropout?”…
An unschooler faces this and many other insensitive questions, including from him or her self. This unschooler answers them.
My suggested reading for “dropouts” and those that love them is James Marcus Bach’s book, “Secrets of a Buccaneer-Scholar:…
This is a GREAT post! (I stumbled over here from another unschooling blog, btw.) I’ve gotten to experience this from a different angle, since I am a homeschooling/ unschooling mom of a 9 year old. Many times, when I mention that my son doesn’t go to school, people look at me like I am criminally negligent for depriving him of his right to an education… like I am crippling him and not preparing him for real life.
Sometimes, I take the time to *educate* my accusers. But often I just smile and nod and walk away. In my heart, I know I am doing the right thing for him. But when friends and family talk about their kids getting straight A’s, and scoring perfect on their exams, and getting into this school or that academic program, it feels weird that we are not even participating in the same race. Apples and oranges, I guess.
We’re “dropouts” too, and proud of it.
As the mom of an unschooled 16-year-old, I can relate to this post, and I’m going to pass it on to my daughter. I know she feels pressure sometimes, seeing her friends who are in high school, and hearing their parents discuss goals that differ from our family’s immediate goals (which are basically to live and be happy).
I hope you’ll consider submitting this post to the Carnival of Unschooled Life (which I host).
Thanks again for this.
Susan
@Lisis: I’m glad you enjoyed reading it! My mother and I got a lot of trouble from my school when we decided to homeschool (we homeschooled for a year, then I went to school for another year, before I finally got to unschooling). In Finland, you have to homeschool through the school the child would otherwise be attending. I had been attending mine for a year and a half before we decided to start homeschooling.
The teachers didn’t respect my decision (many of them didn’t understand that I was no longer THEIR student, and wanted to give me assignments while I was homeschooling – something they had no right to do). My mother was insulted repeatedly by the principle and several other staff members because they felt she was stealing my right to a future. When I told them that *I* was the one that wanted to homeschool (I spent a good year or so convincing my mother), they accused me of trying to be an adult and that I was being too impatient. I told them that I want to learn, and don’t need teachers telling me to. All they could say to that was, “You’re never going to know everything.”
The year spent trying to get homeschooling to work through them is one of the things that got me interested in unschooling. After that, I didn’t want ANYTHING to do with school.
@Susan: I’ve definitely felt some periods of stress because of it, but the support I have from family and friends is what gets me through that. It’s good to get reminded that what you’re doing in the right choice. Thank you for reminding me about the blog carnival! I sent this in just now.
I was 14 when I made the decision to stop going to school so I could finally have time to read and explore and create. I’m 24 now and I’m doing very well for myself. I was able to adapt to the “real world” much better than any of my friends who received a high school diploma.
Unlike a lot of your peers you don’t have to wait around for directions. You’ll carry that with you into whatever you do and because of that I have no doubt you’ll be able to get whatever it is you want out of life.
I’m a drop out too and I never once in my life regretted it. It isn’t easy, but if you’re honest with yourself, nothing ever is.
I enjoyed this post. It was difficult to be viewed as a “dropout” – even more so because I didn’t know what I was doing was ‘unschooling’ and had credible roots. We just fell into it naturally and had nothing to back us up. I had very few people verbally criticize (at least that I was aware of) but the look of pity on their face from someone they too had such high expectations of was still obvious.
Thankfully time tells all truths. I’ve seen more success and have more unbridled excitement for life, as well as the courage to do things others wouldn’t dream of considering. Hopefully, that has inspired some, although mostly people prefer to feel vindicated in their own choices. That’s fine too. We’re all on different journeys for different reasons learning different things. I know that most people who worried I wouldn’t ’succeed’ in life (by their standards?) now know that I’m never one to be second-guessed. They know I’m motivated and love learning and experiencing and trust any decision I now make.
I’m sure it will be the same for you. Not only are you thoughtful and independent, you have resources that weren’t available 10 years ago (the vast amount of knowledge on the internet, support and resources from around the world within seconds). The world has literally laid itself out before us! I feel sad for anyone too trapped within four walls to see all that is available outside.
I enjoyed this post. Thanks for sharing!
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